On another soapbox

“Motherhood is an essential, difficult, and full-time job.
Women who do not wish to be mothers should not have babies.”
- Edward Abbey

I've just taken a few minutes of my morning to read a couple of blogs, see what's going on with my friends, family ... my husband. So when I began reading his list of quotes from Edward Abbey and read that one, well ... there it is. Let me also note that from other quotes from Abbey, it would appear that he was what we would call today Pro-Choice. (Unless I'm misunderstanding certain statements, like this one: “Abolition of a woman’s right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to compulsory maternity: a form of rape by the State.”) Let me state for the record that I am not now, nor have I ever been, Pro-Choice when the issue is abortion. It is my belief, based on my faith and what my heart says, that every life - no matter the circumstance of its creation - is one worthy of taking that first breath. That said, I believe that if you are anti-abortion you must be pro-education and pro-adoption. I'm not sure that any of these are issues that I want to get in to today, so I'll quit while I'm ahead. The issue of the day, at least for me, is motherhood.

First let me say (and I think all the Moms out there will agree) that Motherhood is only faintly what we thought it would be. Did I know that my heart would physically ache when my children hurt? Did I know that it would feel as if someone was tearing me limb from limb when I even think about the things that could happen to them everyday? Did I know what it would be like to not sleep the first few months of each of their lives as I checked and checked again all night long to make sure they were still breathing? Did I know what it would be like to worry that people won't like them? Did I have any idea when DJ was born that I would love him so much that I would be afraid I could never love another child again? And then to realize that in loving him and Mike, I had all this love bubbling over for more children? For Ella J? For my nephew, my niece, my cousins, for children of friends, for children I've never met? No, Motherhood is not what I thought it would be - it's so much more. More painful, for fulfilling, more terrifying ... indescribably more.

Let me also say that I do not believe that Motherhood is a right given to every woman simply by virtue of being a woman. I believe that each of us who are given the opportunity to mother - be it through biology, through adoption, through foster care, through any avenue - are given a gift. A precious treasure. An opportunity through loving our own children to just glimpse the love God has for each of us. And in case I haven't been clear enough on the love of parents for their children, let me say in no uncertain terms: While being a mother is the single most fulfilling job I can imagine (for myself), it is also the most painful - physically and emotionally - that I can imagine. Being a Mom hurts. I have the bruises to prove it!

So even though I said I was quitting while I was ahead, I'm back to where I started ... on a soapbox. I do not think motherhood is right for every woman. I may be in the wrong is saying this, but I do believe that some women - many women - are not designed to be mothers. Just as it is true that I am not designed to be the CEO of a company or a mathematician, it is true that some women are not designed to be mothers. If you saw my home, you'd know that I was also not designed to be a decorator or gardener. But motherhood is not right for every woman. So ... if i will not be a supporter of abortion - because I cannot be - instead I will be a supporter of educating young women (and men) about parenting, about sex, about God's plans for them. I will be an advocate of adoption - willing to educate young women on adoption, willing to hold their hands as they make that decision to be the best mother they can be by letting someone else be called Mommy. Because while it is true that "women who don't want to be mothers should not have babies", the fact is that sometimes, many times, they do.